sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
