why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
