Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just invented taco cereal.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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