Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
