I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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