quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
