Don't make out with my wife yet
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
