I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
