I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
