I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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