nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
