we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
