I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
