just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
