im about as happy as oj after his trial
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
