Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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