Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
