i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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