do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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