I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
