Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
