I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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