??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
