the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
