he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
