david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
