4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
