so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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