So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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