can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Randomize
