My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
