my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
