this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
