i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
