so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
