Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
