omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
