So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
