i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We were destined to go to rehab together
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
