im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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