Are we in a gay sports bar?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
