His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
