In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was like eating out sand paper
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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