my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
