Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
