I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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