The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just pee around me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
