I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
