Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
not ubering you a puppy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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