you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
