so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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