I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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