Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
