We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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