it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
